Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Despite My Best Efforts . . .

I was just watching Bethenny Ever After . . . in full disclosure - I wasn't EVER going to watch her show especially since I am a Team Jill fan. Clearly - not only have I seen season 1 - I am knee deep in season 2.

Go ahead say it . . .

1 - I watch ALOT of TV, especially late at night

2 - I draw ALOT of ideas from my TV shows.

Who better to dispense advice?

So, I am watching Bethenny . . . and she is having marriage issues - WHO DOESN'T?

But what I find most compelling about her story each week is the therapy part of it. I love how she seems raw in it. I like how the therapist pokes at her - cracks her shell and she as well as the watchers are better for it.

In tonight's episode . . . Bethenny is sitting at a bar with a girlfriend. Her husband, dog and baby have gone to his parent's for the night. She is talking to her friends and the friend says something like . . . women over analyze themselves, they have to have someone to talk too, she is speaking in reference to Bethenny's therapy session with Dr. Amador. She could not be more on the mark . . .

As a self professed analyzer - I do - I over analyze the situation, what it said, who does what, how people move, I watch the eyes, smirks, gestures . . . I can read a situation like no other and I am about 90% right every single time.  I am good – I should market this service!!!!

I can over analyze, about myself, to the point of being paralyzed at time with things like - I should have said this - done that, worn that, served that.

The over analysis reminds me of the day after I got married - my mother says to me "well, next time . . . "  I said "there is no next time."

I over analyze to make it better - to improve on the situation, to not make those same mistakes again.

Maybe this is why I like having a therapist of my own. You should know – I have YET to find a therapist that has a chaise lounge to lay on – where are those fellas?   I like having someone without a dog in my fight to say "right on" or "what the hell is wrong with you" and by the way - both have been said to me!

Recently - I was stressed with SBJ not doing all 6 of his lesson each day at school. I am talking with my therapist - asking . . . begging - "what do I do. He won’t do all his lessons" She asked me “how long is he in school?”  I responded with “3.5 hours.”  She asked me "how old is he?" I reply "4" – then she said "What the hell is wrong with you."

There I got it - it was my gut check! She said "no 4 year old needs to be stressed about school - he should be there having fun - not worried if he is going to not get to play with his toys or have a sleep over because he didn't do his lesson."

BAM - right in the face - she hit me! She told me what I needed to hear but being so wrapped up in him doing his job at school - me being punitive - I had lost sight in what 4 year olds need and are supposed to be doing.

She advised me to pull him from that school the very next day - ok - this I didn't to hear - there was no way I would pull him. But I got what I needed out of our talk and that was to get off his ass!  He was 4!

I left her office that day - called my husband from the car and told him what she said. He agreed . . . this was our new course of action.

I don't ask anymore "how many lessons did you do today." It is usually something like "who did you play with on the playground?" or "what is something new you learned today."

Guess what . . . I would never have thought our laying off his ass would help him in school - but it did. We went for our conference about two weeks later with the teacher - I was dreading it. Almost to the point of being sick over it - I was so afraid she would tell me how he wasn't doing his lessons - how he talks all the time and how he doesn't listen to her. She didn't!

Instead she told me . . . "I have noticed a real change in Jake these last two weeks." HOLY SHIT! 2 weeks - that was the exact time I got off his ass and let him be a kid. She did go on to say - he loves to talk - he is very social - he doesn't know time management (that apple didn't fall far . . . ) that he is verbally advanced and knows what buttons to push to get a reaction.

I told her about how I had been on him - how we were disappointed when he would get in and say he had done only three lessons. She told me not to borrow her problems, let her worry about the school work and me worry about home. She said the previous 2 months Jake had been stuck on 4 letters of the alphabet - saying them, identifying them, writing them, associating them with words - and in the last two week he had progressed through 6 new letters.

I could not be more proud of my little guy that despite his crazy, well meaning, mother - he was thriving at school. I could also not be more happy that I had a therapist that gave me a cut check and put it all in perspective AND . . . I could not be more thrilled that he is in a great school that recognizes the importance of mom and dad being there to love and support you while she does the rest!

Therapy Saves!!!!!

So . . . do you need to talk?

1 comment:

  1. Gut checks are often needed to facilitate change! He is a brilliant little boy!