I am sure I was given instructions, but who can remember anything after that. I get dressed and just exit. I keep my head low and walk quickly to the car for fear I might embarrass myself with tear stained cheeks or heaven forbid I just loose it.
By the time I am home again, I am composed. I have a million things going through my mind, but on the outside I am calm. I think I should start doing video messages to the boys about how much I love them. Give them some life lessons, like those that have been on Oprah do. Maybe I should write them a note for them to read at graduation, wedding and birth of their first child. I wonder will Jake even remember me. Will my long blond locks fall out? Will this scare my oldest son? Will this be all he remembers? What kind of toll will this take on them?
My husband and I never let on to anyone what we were going through. I would just sit still in the media room pretending to watch a movie but really preparing myself for the possible out comes. I withdrew from everyone. I just could not put on a happy face or cheerful voice to fake it!Next day - no call from the lab. Don't they get I am freaking out here? This is just a job.
Day after that, again no call. I call the lab and am told to call back after 2. I am Johnny on the spot - 2 on the dot. No news. I call at 4:57 before they head home for the night. Nothing! I think great - they are going home for a fun evening and I sit here wondering if I have a fight for my life on my hands! I snuggle extra hard and extra long, please let them remember this. I sign the song Jake loves until he is asleep and snuggle in with Scoots until he is asleep.
Friday 8:01am - "no ma'am, we do not have the results yet. We will call you." By now the lady who answers the phones and I are best friends. I call at 11am - no news. 2pm - no news, but she promises to call me. 4:03pm I got the call.
I was outside. It was a beautiful day, not too cold, not too hot, perfect for a sweatshirt around the neck. I was hunting supplies to build a fall display for the entry glass table. I had the phone on me. I had done everything with the phone attached to me the last few days. I was alone, in the yard and in my head. All my thoughts were consumed with this call. And she called.
