Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Girl . . . Friends ? ? ?

Just to recap . . .

Here are the players in this tragedy . . .

Me -

GCG - Good Christian Girl - mom of two, beautiful girls - both promised to my boys . . . another story, both she and her husband have full time jobs that pay and she has flexibility during the day.

SG - Single Girl - Works a full time job, no children, travels freely, extremely dedicated to family and friends but expects the same in return.

PRG - Practical, Reliable Girl - has two boys, she worked until having children, husband is a VP of a small company, they are comfortable.

UTG - Up Town Girl - has one early elementary school age child, husband is very successful, and she is very busy but does not have a job.

So . . . and we are sad . . Our friend isn't the same girl we grew up with. That we went to school with, that was a bridesmaid in our wedding. She is different from who we know her to be . . . we are at a loss.

It would be easy to be mad at her husband.  We could blame it all on him for changing her, for forcing her to be in the home, not able to make lunches with the girls.  We could blame him for forcing her into building a lake house, for forcing her to sacrifice her friends for her home or for forcing her to change, but wait . . .

She made these decisions and I want to say right now - so listen up . . . this is my take on things! This is my take on these relationship with her. This is my take based on everything I have heard from our friends and how they feel.  They so want this friendship to be equal parts.

My friend decided to marry her well to do husband. She loved him and he loves her and I couldn't be happier for her, we all couldn't be happier for her. I wanted this for her just like I wanted for her to have a baby. I want what is best for my friend and I want her to be happy. At no time have I been jealous of her . . . none of us are jealous of her.  We want the very best for our friend . . .  we are thrilled for her and we love her.

Look – I get it – we all changed!  We have husbands, children, pet, mortgages and in-laws.  We have more pulls on our time.  I am not saying she has to choose her family or her friends!  I am simply saying the act of caring isn’t there anymore.  So, excuse me if I don’t act like I care enough about how many feet the boat house in from the main house. Or what wall treatment goes here or there.  I want the relationship we used to have.
I don’t want to loose my friend, but I might be too late!  My friend is absorbed in non-sense. She is consumed with which texture on which wall, will they stain the deck, will the put a rock path, gravel path or stepping stones to the boat dock. And my oh my - the boat dock - you know anyone with money makes the boat dock 21 feet long, and only wealthy people use concrete for retaining walls and big metal poles for support. It is this that I don't want.

This is not what friendships are about! Friendship are not conversations that are all one sided or about money.  Friendships are about caring and feeling cared for.
I could not be more happy that my friend married well and is doing well. I could also not be more sad that she doesn't care enough about me to ask about my car accident and if I am ok. To ask about how my boys did during their weekend of sports or to check in on my mom.
and so I am mourning this friend I lost, that we lost. 

I am sad to see my UTG go! She was really great!

Any advice for these modern day Sex and the City Girls on how to save this friendship!

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